Author Topic: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.  (Read 53634 times)

Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« on: March 01, 2012, 10:48:46 PM »
My niece has Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Well, I don't know where to begin with this one. Figured I'd come here since there's no way she'd ever go to a Sci-Fi forum because she's too "cool" for stuff like that in her screwed up little mind.

Everyday is a struggle with her, either because Tricare keeps screwing with us about whether or not they'll pay for the long term residential treatment that's basically her only hope of a future, her asshole of a "sperm donor" that keeps filling her head with crap about its not her, it her mom ( aka my sister) and our whole family and that life with him will be all sunshine and lollypops, or the typical nervous tension caused by living with a teenager with one of the worse combinations of psych disorders you can have. An adult with her problems would be enough, but throw in the fact she's a Know it All Teen, and its pure hell living with her.

My sister has been the best mom to her that anyone could possibly be. Yes, my niece had to move a few times in her 15 years of life, that part of the Marine, then later Navy life. But my sister worked her way through nursing school to become a Nurse, and therefore an Officer, in the Navy, ALL SO MY NIECE CAN HAVE A BETTER LIFE! Yet now, she hates her for daring to do the right thing and finding my niece the help she needs.

The shit really hit the fan when my sister had to go to Jacksonville FL , leaving me in charge, for three months for OR training, which would earn her a promotion to full LT, AND allow for a much more predictable schedule, which in turn gives her more time to spend with her daughter. My niece became highly demanding with no sense of reasoning, yet I did my best to keep the peace knowing her history of suicidal behavior. Still, this wasn't good enough for her. Two days after her birthday she tried to OD herself into a grave. Thankfully I got her to the ER in time. She spent 1 week in a short term Psych Ward and Tricare was like " even though this is her 5th time over all, its only her first time THIS YEAR" so they refused to pay for long term, since she needs to go to short term three times in a year for them to pay for long term. So I called in my Aunt whose a retired Psych Nurse to help me out. A week later, she tried to run away, then the next day became very violent because we tried to set boundaries that all other teens have to go by. That episode landed her in short term again for a week, and they concluded that if she tries to harm us again, don't send her to them, send her to juvie, and only if she tries to harm herself should we send her to them again. Well, for a week Tricare had us thinking, "OK, they'll pay for her treatment because she's getting worse and is cheeking her meds." Meanwhile, her dirtbag of a father ask to let her visit them for the weekend. after that weekend, Now she thinks that there's NOTHING WRONG WITH HER, when just two days before it seems she accepted the fact she needs help. On top of that, Tricare is now playing dumb about approving her long term treatment, and we're back to square one with them. Now, we're stuck with her with this giant chip on her shoulder as she arrogantly defies us, throwing the fact that after residential treatment she's moving to her father's and blames everything that's gone wrong in her life on my sister, who still has a month left before she gets back home to really do much about this situation.

I've had to put my life on hold for my niece, and this is what I get in return, and now the stress is starting to affect my health. I can't just go back to Georgia because there is nothing for me there in terms of a career, I've tried to find  one there pretty much before I became a member here, and last September I moved here in the Hampton Roads area to continue my search.

I hate to say this but I'm ready to just let her father, who seems to think his sorry ass can do better, have her as is, since her long term treatment seems to be just a pipe dream at this point, and I'm waiting for my sister to come to the same, even harder for her, conclusion so we both can move on with our lives. One of the sad realities I've read about family members with Borderline Personality Disorders is sometimes they're too far gone and for your own sake you must let them go. I believe without the long term treatment, my niece will very soon get to this point, while the decision makers at Tricare gets to go home at night, get a good night sleep, and spend quality time with their own families without ever having to go through what we are going through.
« Last Edit: March 01, 2012, 10:54:46 PM by NRSD Moonshadow »
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Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2012, 11:18:17 PM »
Sorry to hear that Moony.  I wish could offer you some advice but I dont know anything about people with such disorders I can only offer my sympathy.
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2012, 12:00:02 AM »
Murder: It's not just for black people anymore!

Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2012, 02:45:12 PM »
How insensitive of you Flagg!  You know that mexicans have had a monopoly on murder for the last decade.
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2012, 03:01:12 PM »
How insensitive of you Flagg!  You know that mexicans have had a monopoly on murder for the last decade.

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Offline Fiery Little One

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2012, 03:21:29 PM »
Guys, this is NOT the time to joke about such things. Moon, if you need an ear, just ask.
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Offline Jimi James

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2012, 04:12:15 PM »
Often, when a you have no advice to give, Humor can be used to relieve stress.
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Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2012, 09:56:59 PM »
Guys, this is NOT the time to joke about such things. Moon, if you need an ear, just ask.

I DID offer my ear, check the second post Mr Judgemental.
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2012, 10:26:02 PM »
Meh, as bad as the situation is, jokes don't bother me that much.

Today was one of the calmer days where she doesn't go off the handle, however last night was somewhat tense, and I found out she deleted some texts off my phone, which pissed me off and I didn't get much sleep, now I'm going to bed somewhat early ( for me anyway) since I'm tired. I'll be posting more about it when I find the time.
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Offline Fiery Little One

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2012, 03:34:59 PM »
My problem was less the jokes and more the subject matter of the jokes.
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2012, 04:38:45 PM »


Offline Fiery Little One

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2012, 05:49:40 PM »
 ::) I just don't think mental issues and death go together for good comedy, k?
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Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2012, 05:51:01 PM »
Sorry Flagg but I have to throw my hat into it as well.



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Quote
I just don't think mental issues and death go together for good comedy, k?

mental issue and death go together like tuna and lamb.

Hows the situation going so far Moon.
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #13 on: March 04, 2012, 12:10:35 AM »
Today was like a freaking roller coaster. We tried to get her to do some of the housework, and after calling her dad to " tell on us" , calling her mom to make a bargain about if she worked on her room can she go see her drug addict boyfriend who lives 25 miles away, then finding she can visit him for 3 hours she got pissed because apparently 3 fucking hours isn't long enough, called her mom AGAIN and argued for another damn hour crying and screaming about it, she calmed down and redid her facebook because of some drama she created on there backfired and basically she can dish it out but can't take it when it comes to starting rumors.

So in a nutshell it was freak out, calm down, freak out, calm down and finally get her room done after a month of us telling her to, freak out again, and calm down.   At least she didn't get violent or smash my phone like she did to hers a few months ago ( hence why she was using mine).
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Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2012, 12:11:36 AM »
Does she take medication for this?
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #15 on: March 05, 2012, 10:19:19 AM »
She refuses to because to her " There's nothing wrong" and medications " take away her personality"
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Offline Stoo

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2012, 05:53:23 PM »
I wouldn't have the first clue how to deal with a teenager, let alone one with mental illnesses. Hope you can be strong and do what you think is best for her.

ps flagg be nice

pps holy shit i'm posting and telling flagg to be nice, is it 2007 again

(but seriously Moonshadow, best of luck)
« Last Edit: March 08, 2012, 05:56:35 PM by Stoo »

Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2012, 11:47:04 AM »
Thanks Stoo.

If she was just a "normal" teenager, I could handle her better. However, the more I read about Borderline Personality Disorder, the more it seems than hardly ANYONE outside the mental health field can handle her. At least recently Tricare got their act together and the process of getting her in a residential treatment facility is finally moving forward.

So far yesterday was a good day, she met a new friend at her school that's pretty close by, and the fact she went to school yesterday and today is a victory. We now also have just three weeks until my sister gets back from her training.
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Offline Razor

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2012, 07:36:49 AM »
Hey Moonshadow would you mind if we turned this into a general venting and support thread?
“The boat dipped and swayed and sometimes took on water, but it did not sink; the two brothers had waterproofed it well. I do not know where it finally fetched up, if it ever did; perhaps it reached the sea and sails there forever, like a magic boat in a fairytale. All I know is that it was still afloat and still running on the breast of the flood when it passed the incorporated town limits of Derry, Maine, and there it passes out of this tale forever.” ― Stephen King, It"
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Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #19 on: March 15, 2012, 06:30:16 PM »
Sure, go ahead.
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Offline White Wolf

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #20 on: March 16, 2012, 10:41:39 PM »
Today was like a freaking roller coaster.

So in a nutshell it was freak out, calm down, freak out, calm down and finally get her room done after a month of us telling her to, freak out again, and calm down.   

I can Relate , Moony. My sister is also Bi Polar. We both love our respective siblings but it aint easy dealing with them. My sister has bitched me out on more than one occassion for no reason, but she claims she has every reason. *Sigh* Like you said: freak out, calm down, freak out, calm down. She always says: Oh, its your fault, bro. She claims she postive, but i don't believe.  Her husband is no better. He bitches me out too.Like his wife, he claims it my fault but i know it isn't. Its him.   I've tried to explain my side niether of them want to hear it. They just cut me off and i get an earfull.  It usualy happens when i 'm helping him with some type of project.  Then i know he's calling me dumbass, says i'm worthless, but i know i'm not. He has no appreciation for the help i give, and is always correcting me, He says all he sees are problems and issue. This makes him very tough to work with and i also live with him and sis. So its no cake walk.

My only advice to you is: write in a dairy or put it here. Trust me, it helps
Human Nature. Without a common enemy , men will look for foes in the one place they can guarantee finding one: The Past. -Eoforth, Sigmar's right hand man,

A mind without a purpose will walk in dark places. - Gideon Ravenor, Inquisitor of the Imperium of Mankind.

Offline White Wolf

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #21 on: March 17, 2012, 04:17:47 PM »
Ok my asshole of Bro in law is really starting to piss me off. >:(

He's getting on my ass about the garage Can damaging his precious truck.  

In the driveway my sister parks her car next his truck it creates a narrow walk way for the Can. No Problem, Right?, just go around, right? Well i've tried that, the Left side is too narrow and right side too narrow of the driveway so that leaves the middle but the problem is that my sister parks her car tiny angles leaving very little room to manuever the Can when she does this at times. My Bro in law? All he does is moan & groan, bitch & bellyache about problems and issues that bother him instead of offering solutions Trash Can included.

I mean, it isn't just one thing. Otherwise i wouldn't be posting this if it were, its a shit load. Just about everything gets on his nerves. I know some will say: "Well, leave the house, move somewhere else" Unfortunately, i can't.


This shit has going on for about  a year now. I'm trying to be patient but my patience is wearing thin.  My sister is no better. I know what i'm saying seems like tiny bullshit and it should be but The problem if it isn't that,  its always one thing or another but like the douche bag that he is, he's gotta blame someone.
He and i almost to blows about month and half ago. I helping him with some stuff, he gave some directions and next i know he spins me about, grabs my shirt and waves his fist in front my face. For me it was fight or flight, my response was fight, so i hit. He let go of me and i walked away to cool off.  I come back after my cool period and my douche bag of a bro in law is threating to kick me out of the house if i don't perform well that day. Which i did.  There's not a week doesn't that goes by i don't get yelled at for something , eirther by sister or hubby who is my bro in law.  

I would like explain my side but as i've said before they don't wanna hear it. Assholes. >:(

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Sorry for triple post. Pressed qoute by accident.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2012, 04:51:10 PM by White Wolf »
Human Nature. Without a common enemy , men will look for foes in the one place they can guarantee finding one: The Past. -Eoforth, Sigmar's right hand man,

A mind without a purpose will walk in dark places. - Gideon Ravenor, Inquisitor of the Imperium of Mankind.

Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #22 on: March 17, 2012, 05:26:42 PM »
Yikes! Yeah its bad enough dealing with one, but two?

Well my niece finally was confronted by the school officials about her absences and tardies. Her BRILLIANT solution? Curse them out  ::) .  She wants us to tell the school " she was absent those days because she has a stomach issue" Problem is, we had her tested for any stomach problems and the labs test turned out normal. We told her we're not going to lie for her sake and she said " So you're just going to cause me to be suspended!"   WRONG! You got YOURSELF suspended princess, you now have to deal with the consequences!

Two more weeks and my sister will be here to help get the ball rolling on her long term residential treatment.
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Offline White Wolf

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #23 on: March 17, 2012, 08:55:15 PM »
Yea i know.  Right she's calm...........for now. Btw, Moony. We gotta keep in mind is that they're human beings not Satan. Despite the problems, My sis and hubby have done and gotten nice thngs for me.  Its just living with them is tough.
Human Nature. Without a common enemy , men will look for foes in the one place they can guarantee finding one: The Past. -Eoforth, Sigmar's right hand man,

A mind without a purpose will walk in dark places. - Gideon Ravenor, Inquisitor of the Imperium of Mankind.

Offline NRSD Moonshadow

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Re: Feel Trapped with my BPD and Bipolar Niece, need to vent.
« Reply #24 on: March 19, 2012, 01:43:28 PM »
Yeah, I know what you mean there. For the most part my niece hasn't had one of her episodes since the Middle of February, she's just being idiotic with her decision making the last two weeks. Sometimes I'm beginning to think Borderline Personality Disorder is a nice, medical term for Head-Up-Ass Disease.

 However I do have to remind myself she's not all bad and she really can't help it because its a psych condition. She does have a nice side to her, its just that recently I've seen it less, especially since her suicide attempt. 
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