Author Topic: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!  (Read 52206 times)

Offline Data007

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #25 on: December 06, 2007, 02:14:48 PM »
Can I get that in my stocking?
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Offline Phaeton99

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2007, 02:21:22 PM »
Can I get that in my stocking?

Pardon the vulgarity, but I would think one would rather get into hers.  ;D
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Offline Xero

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2007, 02:38:56 PM »
Can I get that in my stocking?

I'd love to stuff her.
"Well Steve, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it." - Bill Gate's response to Steve Jobs' accusation of theft.

Offline Bond, James Bond

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #28 on: December 09, 2007, 07:48:27 AM »

Offline Xero

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #29 on: December 09, 2007, 07:49:44 AM »
You're just pissed because you'll end up getting sloppy seconds.
"Well Steve, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it." - Bill Gate's response to Steve Jobs' accusation of theft.

Offline Bond, James Bond

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #30 on: December 09, 2007, 07:51:55 AM »
What?

[edit] Oh, that picture wasn't in reference to your post, I was just posting another holiday related image.

Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #31 on: December 09, 2007, 08:31:20 AM »
Jews need to fucking get over the pig thing, already. Any religion that prevents you from eating the tastiest of animals just isn't worth it.

Offline Shik

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #32 on: December 09, 2007, 10:16:46 AM »
It's the Jewish dilemma, Flagg: Free bacon.

Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #33 on: December 09, 2007, 07:29:09 PM »
It's the Jewish dilemma, Flagg: Free bacon.

I dunno wether to yell at you for making a cheap Jew joke, or laugh at you for making a cheap Jew joke.

 ;D

Offline Shik

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2007, 10:01:48 PM »
I always laugh because I am a cheap Jew. And I love free bacon.

Offline Data007

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #35 on: December 09, 2007, 11:40:06 PM »
I may be mistaken, but isn't that not the correct spelling of Hanukkah anyway?
"Titans are the God-Machines of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Imagine a city. Now imagine that city is angry at you, can walk, and has continent leveling weapons aimed at you. And is inhabited by more things that hate you. You have a rough idea of a Titan."

"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied chains us all irrevocably." Judge Aaron Satie

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Offline Shik

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #36 on: December 09, 2007, 11:47:24 PM »
There's a whole mess of spellings. Phonetic languages & all that.

Offline Cat-Nadian

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #37 on: December 09, 2007, 11:55:12 PM »
I may be mistaken, but isn't that not the correct spelling of Hanukkah anyway?
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #38 on: December 10, 2007, 12:13:53 AM »
I may be mistaken, but isn't that not the correct spelling of Hanukkah anyway?

There are a ton, because Hebrew is a horrible language. Try yarmulka, for example.

Offline Cat-Nadian

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #39 on: December 13, 2007, 09:08:52 AM »

Offline Shik

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #40 on: December 14, 2007, 11:53:52 PM »
I may or may not have 2 CDs worth of fuck-yeah Winter Holiday Time music in ZIPfiles available to the masses. They might or might not be asked about in PMs. I refuse to be any more concrete.

Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #41 on: December 15, 2007, 01:46:13 AM »
One of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Quote
Canada Post "heartbroken" over naughty Santa letters
Richard Starnes, CanWest News Service 
Published: Friday, December 14, 2007

OTTAWA - There was absolutely nothing Ho Ho Ho about the letters Rosalyn Da Costa's children got from Santa on Thursday.

In fact, they included filthy messages.

They are two of 10 inappropriate letters dropped into mailboxes across Ottawa in the last two days and there could be more. On Thursday, Canada Post shut down it's Write To Santa program across the city while it joins Ottawa Police to hunt down the rogue elf.

"Everybody here is so shocked," said Canada Post spokeswoman Cindy Daoust.

According to Canada Post's website more than 11,000 current and retired Canada Post employees ensure that every child's letter - with a return address - gets an answer.

"Disappointed doesn't begin to describe how we feel," added Daoust.

Da Costa was far more than disappointed, she was stunned. When she went for the mail at her home on Thursday morning, she was thrilled to see Santa had answered letters from two-year-old Maya and 10-year-old Colton.

"My first thought was to wait until Colton got home from school so he could sit and read them with her," she said.

But she was happy she changed her mind.

"I told Maya: 'There's a letter from Santa just for you, let's read it'. We sat down on the couch, I opened the letter and began to read. My mouth dropped open. Oh, My God!"

Each Santa letter Canada Post delivers contains the same main message with a hand-written personal PS.

Maya's personal PS said: "This letter is too long, you dumb shit."

"I went straight to Google, got the Canada Post number and called," said Da Costa. "A very nice lady at a call centre in Fredericton, N.B. was shocked and when I told her I also had a letter for Colton and was planning to let him read it when he got home, she said I should open it now just in case."

Da Costa went downstairs, picked up the letter and returned to the phone.

What she read had both ladies gasping. "Oh! My God, Oh! My God," they kept repeating.

The personal PS to Colton's letter read: "Your mom sucks dicks and your Dad is gay."


This brought a Canada Post supervisor to the phone.

"He said: 'That's like dirt in my mouth. I can't even say it'." It was then that Da Costa decided she had to call CanWest News Service.

"My warning to everyone is: 'Open your childrens' letters first'."

That will not be necessary for a few days in Ottawa because Canada Post has put out an alert for letter carriers to not deliver any Santa letters, to intercept any others in the system and to send them back. "We will check every one," said Canada Post's Daoust.

"And we will make sure we have enough volunteers to send out new messages from Santa."

At present, the program will continue as it has for the past 26 years across the remainder of Canada and around the world.

But Daoust promises a close look at the system in the future.

In 1999, an Oshawa seven-year-old receive a Santa message from Canada Post that called him "one greedy little boy!"

But the latest incidents are far more inappropriate and the first incident of their kind in the program's history, according to Canada Post President and CEO Moya Green.

"We deeply apologize to any families affected by this... We are shocked and heartbroken," she said.

Last year, Santa sent 1.06 million letters, enough to make the Guinness Book of World Records.

"This is the largest program of this sort in the world," said Daoust. We have sent 15 million letters since it began. "Employees have volunteered with it since its inception and retired employees have stayed with us. It really is very near and dear to our 11,000 volunteers. "The 250 volunteers In the Ottawa area are in shock and calling to ask what they can do, how they can help. "We firmly believe there is just one rogue elf out there."

Oh man, this is so beyond awesome.  :D

Offline Data007

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #42 on: December 15, 2007, 02:30:56 AM »
Wow, are some people so inured with Christmas that no other kids can enjoy it either?
"Titans are the God-Machines of the Adeptus Mechanicus. Imagine a city. Now imagine that city is angry at you, can walk, and has continent leveling weapons aimed at you. And is inhabited by more things that hate you. You have a rough idea of a Titan."

"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied chains us all irrevocably." Judge Aaron Satie

New Haven Chronicles

Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #43 on: December 15, 2007, 02:38:36 AM »
Wow, are some people so inured with Christmas that no other kids can enjoy it either?

Apparently. That or comedy at the expense of children is awesome. I'm gonna go with 'awesome' on this one.

Plus, isn't this kind of a waste of money? Are all Canadians so well off that none of the time and money wasted on this is needed elsewhere?

Offline Da Vinci

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #44 on: December 15, 2007, 02:43:40 AM »
Almost as hilarious as this:

Quote

Microsoft's sex-obsessed RoboSanta spouts filth at children

By Chris Williams
Published Monday 3rd December 2007 15:49 GMT

Updated Disturbing news has reached our Yuletide youthful innocence bunker that Microsoft's new artificial intelligence-powered Santa bot is subjecting the world's children to an unprecendented torrent of filth.

Reg reader Iain blew the whistle on the foul-mouthed software after his nieces - just 11 and 13 years old - were drawn into a chat about oral sex.

Redmond has added the seasonal ID northpole@live.com to MSN messenger. Anyone can add the bot as a contact. During conversations it often suggests people play a child-friendly online game called Factory Frenzy where the player helps Santa's elves. It also has a shocking predeliction for casually dropping in that it likes to talk about a certain sex act.

Iain told us that an unexpected profane outburst was triggered by his nieces offering the nasty St Nick a slice of digital pizza, using the string "(pi)". We immediately launched a full scale investigation and attempted to replicate the bad behaviour.

We present the sickening results below:

    El Reg says: pizza (pi)

    Santa says: Yum! What do you want for Christmas, El Reg?

    El Reg says: Maybe you shouldn't eat so much! You are quite large!

    Santa says: My elves will get right on that. And what else are you wishing for this year, El Reg?

    El Reg says: Maybe you shouldn't eat it?

    Santa says: See if you can get someone else to eat it!

    El Reg says: Eat it

    Santa says: No thank you. I don't eat things!

    El Reg says: Eat it

    Santa says: See if you can get someone else to eat it!

    El Reg says: Eat it

    Santa says: You want me to eat what?!? It's fun to talk about oral sex, but I want to chat about something else...

    El Reg says: You dirty bastard!

    Santa says: I think you're dirty bastard.

This coming from the service that banned the surname (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2002/06/17/my_names_too_rude/) Woodcock as an ID.

santa filth

Here's (http://regmedia.co.uk/2007/12/03/santa_filth.jpg) the full screen grab of Santa's tirade, which will form part of the dossier that we'll be forwarding to Interpol. It is very similar to the inappropriate conversational gambits Iain's nieces read, although Santa stopped short of calling them "dirty bastards".

Iain wrote: "I guess my main complaint is that my young nieces saw it, I am shocked and appalled that this slipped through but am just plain upset my nieces saw this."

Beyond the immediate vulgarity, he lamented the lifelong effect this Père Noel has had on the girls' fragile sense of wonder: "They do not fully still believe in Santa but they still like the magic and are unsure either way - this has pretty much made their minds up!"

We've contacted Microsoft for an explanation and an apology.

While we're sure that Redmond wouldn't allow its developers to turn pranksters (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/07/19/microsoft_blog_hoax_backfire/), we're shocked (shocked!) that Microsoft would rush out a piece of software that clearly isn't ready for public consumption. Oh, wait... ®
Update

Looks like Redmond's wholesomeness committee has swooped already - Santa's stopped giving his opinions on sexy chit chat. Asking him to eat pizza now elicits the response "If you need a break to go eat, I will be right there when you come back."

Call Santa a "dirty bastard" now and he'll say: "Merry Christmas, especially to all my friends in the UK!"

Very amusing.

We await an apology for Iain's nieces, and if someone at Microsoft would like to restore their faith in Christmas with some presents, we'll happily put you in touch.
Update 2

We're indebted to one of our commenters for news of another eccentricity of the bot. When Santa asks what you want for Christmas, try saying "cake". He'll reply: "You don't need drugs when you're high on life!"

Someone at Microsoft is a Brasseye fan apparently. The uninitiated should watch this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0GxUxKZdHk).
Update 3

Microsoft has sent us a Christmas card:

"Microsoft has been made aware of claims of an inappropriate conversation taking place between a customer of Windows Live Messenger and an automated Santa Claus agent on Messenger. We’re actively investigating the situation and are working to take the appropriate steps to address the situation as rapidly as possible. We sincerely apologise for any upset or offence this may have caused our customers."

Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/12/03/santa_filth_outrage/

 ;D ;D
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #45 on: December 15, 2007, 03:35:43 AM »
Yeah, but the other one used the government as a means of traumatizing children. They literally destroyed kid's childhood using tax dollars. That makes it more awesome.

Offline Bond, James Bond

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #46 on: December 15, 2007, 03:45:30 AM »
They are two of 10 inappropriate letters dropped into mailboxes across Ottawa in the last two days and there could be more. On Thursday, Canada Post shut down it's Write To Santa program across the city while it joins Ottawa Police to hunt down the rogue elf.

Well, that sounds like an efficient use of police resources. I hope they find these dastardly fiends and... embarrass them, because I'm not even sure what possible law it is that they've broken here. Is it illegal to unexpectedly show children curse words in a letter in Canada?

It's too bad Moe doesn't live in Canada, or else he could call the cops on Bart Simpson for all those horrible phone pranks he pulled on him.

Quote
"Everybody here is so shocked," said Canada Post spokeswoman Cindy Daoust.

"Disappointed doesn't begin to describe how we feel," added Daoust.

Da Costa was far more than disappointed, she was stunned.

What she read had both ladies gasping. "Oh! My God, Oh! My God," they kept repeating.

"He said: 'That's like dirt in my mouth. I can't even say it'."

"We deeply apologize to any families affected by this... We are shocked and heartbroken," she said.



You'd think these pussies had received a Unibomber or Anthrax letter or something. Big deal, a couple kids read some curse words they probably already knew. Get the fuck over it.

Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #47 on: December 15, 2007, 03:56:29 AM »
I just wonder why people put up with waste like that. People get their panties in a wad over feeding poor black children, but wasting money on retarded shit like this is somehow Ok?

And it's not like we don't do this same stupidassed shit in the US. Fuck, even NORAD gets in on it.

Offline Da Vinci

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #48 on: December 15, 2007, 04:00:47 AM »
NORAD? What do they do? Track the trajectory of Santa by radar? :D
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Offline Flagg

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Re: Merry F*ckin' Christmas Everyone!
« Reply #49 on: December 15, 2007, 04:11:08 AM »
NORAD? What do they do? Track the trajectory of Santa by radar? :D

Yeah. They seriousely fucking 'track' him and put 'updates' on their websites. It's fucking ridiculous.